


Perhaps I Loved You After All

by Chegaris



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, Slice of Life, Teensy Bit of Angst, mild sexual like very very mild i guess, mostly - Freeform, rated just to be safe, unchronological
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chegaris/pseuds/Chegaris
Summary: Ong Seongwoo's thoughts through his life with Hwang Minhyun.





	Perhaps I Loved You After All

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm back :)  
> This fic is not really chronological but I've tried to make it not too confusing.  
> The part with italic fonts are flashbacks. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy~

**_You were faultless_ **

**_I was flawed,_ **

 

The moment he opens his apartment door Seongwoo notices the lack of presence immediately. No one is greeting him with the signature eyes crinkling smile nor does he hit by waves of smells (not always a good one honestly) of what supposed to be their dinner. Sighing; he lets a pang of disappointment fills his chest. It’s not a particularly bad day per se, but Seongwoo misses— _needs_ — his boyfriend to comfort him after a day of work and yes he realizes that he’s being utterly childish right now.

Besides, Seongwoo has learned that him needing his boyfriend constant affection doesn’t mean he will get it every time he wants it. Times like this, after he has peered over the studio to confirm the whereabout of said boyfriend, is the perfect example of it. He wonders whether this is the fate of everyone who has a painter boyfriend. His in particular often gets random inspirations which urges him to immediately find any medias to translate the content. When these so called inspiration come, his boyfriend will immerse himself in his own world — mostly in his studio; sketching lines after lines, strokes after strokes having no regards of time or space. Seongwoo settles to call it _the phase._

Minhyun in the phase always scares Seongwoo. It feels like he is losing the man to a world he can’t understand. While the other usually comes back to him, he can’t shake this feeling that it might not always be the case. Seongwoo hates being left behind but he has also long accepted the fact that Minhyun without his art and _other_ world is not _his_ Minhyun. The black haired man lets out another sigh with the thought of a lonely dinner.

Their kitchen is unusually messy. Studying the ingredients lie inharmoniously on the table, Seongwoo supposed he would be having kimchi jiggae should the phase didn’t hit his boyfriend. Deciding that he is too lazy to come up with other things to cook, he chooses to continue cooking the abandoned jiggae.

As he stirs his soup, Seongwoo’s thought wanders back to this morning event. How Minhyun stood at this very counter preparing Seongwoo’s morning coffee perfectly even though the taller doesn’t even drink coffee. Like always, he had warned him of the hot liquid before Seongwoo managed to burn himself anyway — a yelp followed by coffee drips splattered not so beautifully to the white of his shirt. As expected the rant that came after almost wore Seongwoo’s ears off, but the affection he felt from the soft caress on his burning chest said different things. And God, how Seongwoo misses those comforting hands already. He wonders how fucked up he is, when he realizes that he has indeed missed the man so bad while they just parted ways only this morning.

On auto-pilot, he cleans his dishes after dinner and goes to prepare some honey lemon water, the healthy craze Minhyun’s currently into. So much that Seongwoo hates it, trying to feed the man in his current condition is futile. Either they’ll end up in a big fight or he’ll get ignored for day — all that efforts while the food gets wasted anyway. So.. no food for him. Even though his phase sometimes last for days ( _even weeks_ ), his boyfriend will stay alive without foods. The least he can do is to keep him dehydrated, it has been some sort of an unspoken compromises between them after all.

Quietly, Seongwoo goes into the studio. By experience he knows that he shouldn’t linger too long. Once he accidentally fell asleep in the room while watching Minhyun worked. He woke up to a loud (cute) wails, ordering him to ‘ _get out now_ ’ as Seongwoo’s presence had made his boyfriend unconsciously used pastel hues which is certainly not the right hues to depict world hunger, a project he was working on at the time. Seongwoo is proud though to have that kind of effect over him. He, however, doesn’t appreciate the fact that he needs to be kick out of the room because of that. — _not to boost Seongwoo’s ego further, the faulty painting is being well-kept amongst Minhyun’s most treasured collections._

But really, how can Seongwoo not linger when he is presented with such sight of Hwang Minhyun yielding a brush full of colors as if he isn’t an art himself. The same sight that made him fallen for the guy years ago in the middle of a not-so romantic park full of children’s cries and dogs’ poops.

 

_“Excuse me? Do I know you?” asked the guy hesitantly._

_The thing is Seongwoo had been looking at this beautiful stranger in a not very subtle way possible with him basically crouching beside the said man._

_“No you don’t” answered him casually._

_The man didn’t continue to ask question. Instead he threw his best confused/annoyed glare which made Seongwoo’s mind conjured the word cute immediately ._

_“It’s just.. It’s the first time i’ve met someone more beautiful than me,” he continues cheekily._

_The stranger had looked at him as if he had grown a second head. Seongwoo continued to look at him shamefully until he caught he glimpse of what supposed to be his friend on the corner of his eye._

_“We’ll meet again! Emm..,” he took his time to read the name carved on the easel properly ,”Hwang Minhyun,” Seongwoo decided he likes how the name rolled on his tongue._

 

“Ong Seongwoo,” Seongwoo also likes the way his name rolled out on Minhyun’s tongue even with venoms lacing his voice like this.

Immune to the kind of venom his boyfriend has spitted, he closes the distance between them and lands a peck on the crown of his head. From the way the taller has leaned on his touch he knows that deep inside Minhyun has missed him as much as he is.

“I can’t concentrate when you’re here,” scolds his boyfriend without any real bite in it.

“Promise me i won’t find you lying in emergency ward again,” he hums in between Minhyun’s hair.

Last time, his phase had gone longer than usual, _3 weeks_. They had fought in the morning because Seongwoo thought it was enough. He had managed to literally shove some food into his boyfriend’s mouth sometime during the 3 weeks, yet it didn’t improve the pitiful sight of his hollow cheek and droopy eyes. True to his horror, he got a call from Jihoon in the afternoon, informing the current whereabout of his boyfriend. Nothing too serious the doctor told him, _exhaustion_. Still, Seongwoo couldn’t help the churn on his stomach looking at Minhyun sleeping weakly with IV drips painfully injected on his skin. He knows the taller hates injection.

After the incident Seongwoo couldn’t stop thinking about the what ifs. What if Jihoon didn’t choose that time to drop by? What if Minhyun had fainted in more dangerous places or knocked into some hazardous chemicals in the process? Seongwoo had suffered at the thought and decided to install security camera around his house, for security measurement he had told Minhyun, but it was more for his sanity.

“Just one painting.. Let me finish this one okay?” He hears Minhyun’s promises softly. Though he knows that it is pretty much an empty promise for Minhyun loves his paintings more than him, a fact that he dreaded the most and has earned him enough ‘ _really, Seongwoo_ ’ looks from Minhyun and yes he is jealous over a fucking painting, Seongwoo decides that it is good enough for now.

Before exiting, he scans the room to make sure his boyfriend has the most healthy working environment possible. While always being first into the latest health trends, Minhyun tends to neglect basic healthy procedure when it comes to his works. Seongwoo makes sure the honey lemon water that he previously made is sitting in Minhyun’s reach, then he confirms that the temperature in the room has been warm enough. The smell of fumes, however, has thrown him off. It is stronger than usual. As he can’t possibly open their window in the middle of an autumn night, he strides toward the humidifier and turns it on. ‘ _This will do_.’ Seongwoo lets his eyes marvel on the beauty in front of him once more time before he finally lets himself out.

The clock only has showed the number 10 when he walks out from Minhyun’s studio. It’s too early to go to bed, so instead Seongwoo takes his time to clean up a little bit. He knows this is the only way he can help. Minhyun always loves it when he walks out from the studio to a clean house. — _and of course as pathetic as he is already been, Seongwoo loves what Minhyun loves._

_—_

**_I was lesser_ **

**_yet you_ **

**_gave more._ **

 

Inheriting a family company might seems like a dream to some, but not really in reality. If the mockery and snickers are not enough, the expectation is way too crazy. Everyone expects his works to be perfect, not realizing that Seongwoo is only 3 years into working world. Should something goes slightly wrong, his past, which he admits is not completely flowery with his reputation as a reckless cassanova, always gets pointed at.

Buried in never-ending paperworks, Seongwoo doesn’t realize how long the time has gone until a familiar smell of food hits his nose. He looks up to find Minhyun setting some foods on the small meeting table in his office. With all the stress he is currently in he can seriously let the food be damned; the taller man is all he needs.

Without hesitation he closes their gaps to wrap his arms around Minhyun’s waist and nuzzle his nose on the juncture of the taller’s neck. Before his boyfriend can let out any protests, he mumbles, “5 minutes,” incoherently to his neck and tighten the hand on his waist. Minhyun gets the signal immediately, he always does. _Seongwoo has been too burned out with all his works_. So, they stay that way. Minhyun holds Seongwoo’s hands that sit in front of his stomach and strokes them gently.

It certainly has been more than 5 minutes when Seongwoo finally lets go of the hug and announces that he is hungry. The food is not like those Michelin-starred cuisine that he enjoyed so much. If he were to be honest Minhyun is an average chef. His foods are all edible, he excels in some cuisines but it’s never a mind-blowing taste.When Seongwoo first tasted it, his compliments was purely out of his sweet tongue. He would never criticize his date. It was back when he didn’t understand the concept of a comforting home-cooked meal — _or a comforting anything_ _actually_.

 

“ _I can’t. I’ve promised Joon to take him to see that movie tomorrow,” answered Seongwoo when Minhyun asked him whether he would like to catch a new released movie with him._

_“Ah.. okay,” it was a flat answer accompanied by an understanding smile that didn’t really reach his eyes; the kind of Minhyun’s smile that Seongwoo ‘not preferred’—because the word ‘hate’ associated with a strong emotion he didn’t sure he had._

_Still, it irked Seongwoo how the taller had made him feel like he has done something bad. He had clearly emphasized to all his dates that he didn’t do relationship. They might hold hand, kiss, or even fuck but heart should never been involved. People described it as open relationship and Seongwoo couldn’t be more agree with the terms. Love was a mere hallucination for him; tricks on your unconscious mind. It would never last._

_‘So why does being with Minhyun feel different?’ it had been a question that often came into his head recently. How his other dates couldn’t quite make him laugh like Minhyun did; or didn’t respond to his jokes the way Seongwoo had liked—like Minhyun did; or couldn’t be like Minhyun in every other way._

_He took one look to the man that had continued eating in front of him. The blue of his shirt complimented the white of his skin. They were sitting near the window allowing morning rays to accentuate his beautiful feature. It will look so ethereal if not for the downward glance he casted on his food._

_Seongwoo almost, almost loss his self control and offered to cancel his date tomorrow. ‘Love was a mere hallucination’ reminds him repeatedly to himself._

_Wait.. is this.. Love?_

 

Now, Minhyun’s food feels like home — the one that they have built together. It’s a comforting embrace after a long day of work; a shield from the world’s prying eyes; a soothing breeze to calm his nerves; and many more things that is so Minhyun to him. Seongwoo wouldn’t want it any other way.

After the foods have been long gone, Seongwoo looks up from his mounting papers and finds Minhyun comfortably snugs in one of the sofas with a book in hand. Should his schedule fits the taller always stayed after delivering his foods, knowing that Seongwoo loves it so much to be able to sneak a glance at him in between his work, like this. To feel the other’s presence during his lowest point always manages to cheer him up. The black-haired can’t contained the rush of emotions he felt— gratefulness, comfort, warm, and mostly love. _Yes this is love._

_—_

**_Now with time,_ **

**_I find you_ **

**_on my mind—_ **

 

Days like this are definitely Seongwoo’s favorite. He sinks in the sofa, playing with his phone mindlessly with their television showing random things in the background. From his spot he can clearly hears Minhyun’s singing voice— Stuck On by Kim Sung Kyu, his current favorite— while preparing their dinner. Sometimes his boyfriend will nag him to do something to help; can you turn up the heater a little bit, don’t make a mess Seongwoo, will you at least help me to set up the plates, stop eating that you’ll have no room for dinner. When he realizes that he is actually looking forward to hear those nags (even purposely trying to elicit one), Seongwoo wonders how much of a goner has he been for Hwang Minhyun.

“Why aren’t you eating? Are you not feeling well?” Minhyun looks up from his dinner worriedly. He stands up and crosses his body over the table to put a hand on Seongwoo’s forehead. His face contorts in a cute pout when he tries to feel the heat that he can’t find. 

Seongwoo can’t help but catches the hand on his forehead and kisses the palm lightly, “Remind me how did I get so lucky to meet you,” whispers him slowly.

The taller looks taken aback before he can come up with a retort, “I’m still not giving the seal back,” scoffs him while trying to yank his hand from Seongwoo’s grips only to have him tighten his hold. The black-haired lets out a laugh remembering how the older has taken all his plush seal collections the other day because he has forgotten to water Minhyun’s plants. Those Ong seals can wait, he knows they will be okay with their other dad.

For now Seongwoo wants to focus on the man in front of him. Amusedly he observes the red that has started to grow on his boyfriend skin; starting from the tip of his ears. It has been a good 6 years yet Minhyun can’t never seem to get used to his random flirt. It is fascinating to find that he can still evoke such response from his boyfriend even when he is getting older and losing his knacks as Daniel has unsolicitedly announced the other day.

 

_“You are boring these days,” whines Daniel as the younger failed yet again to drag Seongwoo to club._

_Seongwoo waves him off with a laugh as he concentrates on replying to the man that has occupied him for the couple of weeks, “Sorry, Dan. I promised Minhyun for a movie marathon already. Next week?” offers him cheekily._

_“See! You said that the week before and it was because of this Minhyun guy as well! I mean I know he’s handsome and all, but don’t you think you have played with him long enough?” This had clearly gotten Seongwoo’s attention off the phone. His mind was racking thousands of excuses for his overly affectionate behavior that he had did for Minhyun, behaviors that were violating his own relationship rules._

_“You’re.. you’re not really serious with him, aren’t you?” Daniel’s questions enabled him to hear the alarm that had been blaring on his head clearly. The one that he had managed to ignore for the couple weeks._

_“Let’s go,” he pulled Daniel with an absolute resolution; getting rid off a certain tall man out of his head._

_As the night went deeper, Seongwoo thought he had done a great job in achieving his resolution only to find out later that he was doomed after all. It happened when he shoved his companion on to the nearest wall in the heat of their tongue-battling kiss. His mind unceremoniously reminded him how Minhyun swell too easily and the shove would certainly leave some bruises on his back. Seongwoo automatically stroked the impacted area gently, hoping it would help to ease the forming bruise. The action evoked a moan from his companion whom he belatedly realized were not the one that he had in mind. After that all went spiraled downward in a flash. Seongwoo’s mind registered clearly how this man was too loud compared to his Minhyun and his touches were too rough compared to Minhyun’s delicate one. In a short time he managed to conjure up a long list of other things that he didn’t like about his newfound companion. Seongwoo defeatedly admitted that he wanted nothing more than having the raven-haired boy on his hold and proceeded his ministration with the said boy on his mind._

 

He must be stupid to think that he will be able to experience this kind of feeling from anyone else. Minhyun is everything that he is ever wanted — _okay this might not always be the case but the terms fits perfectly in this situation,_ especially when he has all of Minhyun for himself. The taller knows where to put his hand to make Seongwoo goes crazy. He knows the way he like to be reciprocated without being too much.Seongwoo has joked once that one of the things that contributes to the success of their relationship is how compatible they are in bed.

Having Minhyun sprawled beautifully, _wrecked_ , beneath him was certainly one of the best perks in Seongwoo’s life. It is proven to be very hard for him to leave the man be, but he has no other options given their current condition. They have gone too far before realizing that they have ran out of condoms. Seongwoo contemplates on proceeding without but Minhyun has pushed him off instead.

“Be quick,” whispers the taller from the bed with sheets tangling around his lower body looking like some kind of God himself. It is easy for Minhyun to say when Seongwoo tries to find his loosest sweatpants to hide his pain. He grumbles loudly to express his distaste on the situation.

Despite the behavior, Seongwoo has really tried to make it quick. He has emphasized his urgency on the young part-timer on the nearest convenience store when the boy is fumbling to get his change correctly. He even manage to leave with only an exasperated sigh when the boy yet again has to recount the change. “Don’t bother,” sighs him before taking his leave.

The last thing he wants to end this perfect evening is to come back to a sleeping figure. Of course life can be that cruel sometimes. Minhyun lies on their bed as gorgeous as he left him earlier, but this time Seongwoo can hear the steady breathing and light snores.

Even for someone with a pride as high as Empire State Building like him, Seongwoo can’t help but to admit that he is indeed a goner when the only thought that cross his mind is how to make sure Minhyun doesn’t catch a cold or a stiff when he sleeps in that position.

_—_

**_Perhaps I loved you,_ **

**_after all._ **

 

The first thing Seongwoo sees when he wakes up is papers, lots of it. A quick glance to his watch sends him jolting up immediately with strings of curses left his mouth mercilessly. He has a meeting in half an hour, materials scattered across his dining table, and absolutely no time to wash up.

He always hates (yes he is using a strong word to express his current feelings) when Minhyun’s phase collides with his peak season. While fully acknowledging his fault for not taking enough precautions, like setting up an alarm before pulling an all nighter, Seongwoo much prefer to have Minhyun around to help him function normally. With Minhyun, he usually gets waken up on the right time and gets ushered to bathroom while his coffee is being prepared. Thus resulting in him leaving home well rested and prepared unlike this mess he’s currently have to dwindle himself in.

It is not a surprise when Seongwoo comes out from his meetings later physically exhausted and emotionally drained. He literally has to drag his feet back to his office while contemplating on how many hours he can sneak to get a quick nap and shower before he has to bury himself in yet another endless work. The result is zero. Big fat zero. The deadline to finish this project is approaching too fast and he can already feel the burden people are weighing on him to make this another big hit from their company.

Only after he has managed to throw himself to the comfort of his chair does he remember to check his phone.

_32 missed calls from Jihoon._

The notification immediately sends a chill to his bone. His hopefully-soon-to-be brother in law hardly ever gives him a call unless it’s Minhyun related — the kind of not good news Minhyun related to be precise. Jihoon picks up his call on the first ring.

“You don’t even know hyung got admitted to hospital last night, yet you said you’re going to take care of him,” the accusation is too apparent in his voice.

At the word hospital Seongwoo’s breath immediately quickened. The last time he checked on Minhyun was 2 days ago. They both been so busy that they barely have a chance to talk with each other. Minhyun’s exhibition is coming up and Seongwoo knows that the taller has been pressured as well. He noticed how the taller seems a bit pale, but he brushed it off as common fatigue. He should’ve probe further especially knowing how Minhyun tends to neglect his health when it comes to his work. A pang of guilt fills his heart.

“Where is he now?” asks him urgently.

“Your house. He only told me because apparently he needs someone to sign the release form,” sighs Jihoon shortly. Even with his curt tones and sometimes accusing remarks Seongwoo allow himself to think that Minhyun’s brother has finally started to accept him. If this was before, he will certainly have been sporting a black eye instead of a rather calm explanation like this.

“I’ll be there in 20,” Seongwoo is already at the door.

At home he find Minhyun is back at his studio, holding his brush as if he didn’t got released from the hospital today. He doesn’t know what he expects when he comes home; Minhyun lying weakly on their bed, Minhyun waiting for him in their living room, Minhyun wrapped in thick blanket on their sofa, he expects lots of Minhyun except this one. All the nervousness he holds on the way back dissipates quickly, instead it is replaced this stubborn flames in his heart.

He doesn’t know what compels him to do his next move. Later he would blame it on fatigue, on stress, on the pressure, but knows nothing can really justify his action.

Roughly he yanks Minhyun’s chair away from the canvas. The movement creates a big red slash on the paint, just like the color he sees. “I don’t have time for this!” errupts him.

If Minhyun is annoyed, his voice definitely doesn’t show it, “What make you think I have?” asks him cooly, ice all over his voice.

One fact about Hwang Minhyun that most people can’t quite believe is that despite his soft features he can actually be very stubborn. Imagine a rock surrounded by brick walls? That will be Hwang Minhyun’s minds.

Even knowing this circumstances Seongwoo feels that this time Minhyun has gone too far with his patience. He has reminded the taller several time to watch for his health when he is working. On top of that he has tried be open of his worry for the man every time he finds him looking hollow after a long phase. In his argument, Seongwoo can say that he has tried to talk it out in a civil way only to collide yet again on the damn wall.

“Do you enjoy having people worry about you? Are you happy to have me scrambling at my feet every time you’re sick? I’ve abandoned everything for you! Yet you don’t even care about me, do you? It’s always these paintings that come first!” Seongwoo’s arguments have unceremoniously merges truth with utter nonsense but he is too desperate to notice it.

“I never ask you to abandon anything,” Minhyun threads carefully, now standing so they both are facing each other, “Even after all that I did how can you question my priority. Tell me, am i ever enough for you, Seongwoo?,” Despite the steady tone he knows Minhyun is very pissed.

Rationally, Seongwoo realizes that this isn’t really the time to pick up a fight. They both are exhausted and Minhyun just got back from hospital. Nothing they’ll spit will come across the way they mean it to be and in the end it will only leaves them with scar. He knows all that, but really who can expect Seongwoo to be the rational one?

“You know what, fuck your priorities cause I highly doubt I ever been in yours. It is always either the painting or your brother when you are certainly my first! When I already gave up my life for you! I don’t even know whether it’s worth it after all!”

Seongwoo already goes out of the line. It should feel good to see the hurt written all over Minhyun’s face because isn’t that what they’re trying to do here? Hurting each other? But when Minhyun lowly whisper “ _Fuck you Ong Seongwoo_ ”, eyes glazing with tears, he can’t help but wanting to punch himself. Even after Minhyun leaves him with a loud slam he can only feel emptiness all over. _Did he win?_

 

_This was supposed to be a surprise. Seongwoo got a tip that Minhyun had been selected as the representative of their school on an important exhibition. If that didn’t call for a celebration he didn’t know what was._

_He hummed him way into Minhyun’s apartment; the one shared with his brother. Jihoon’s dislike towards him was clear as day. The cute boy almost punched him once if not for Daniel stopping the boy. After that incident they made sure not to cross path often. Minhyun got him memorized Jihoon’s schedule so that he didn’t have to crash with the younger when dropping by their apartment. That was why he was surprise to hear Jihoon’s voice coming from Minhyun’s room._

_Seongwoo debated whether he should come back later. If he showed up, the younger would most probably pick up a fight with him. Then, it would definitely ruin Minhyun’s mood. That wasn’t what Seongwoo came from. All he wanted was to celebrate after all. He was about to turn around when he caught the conversation clearly._

_“.. end things with Seongwoo-hyung,” it was clearly Jihoon’s. Seongwoo wondered what were they talking. “You deserve better, hyung. People don’t just change, especially the like of Ong Seongwoo,”_

_“There’s nothing to end in the first place, Jihoon,” Minhyun’s voice was soft but the words hurt Seongwoo the way it shouldn’t._

_“Then stop meeting him!” exclaimed Jihoon right away. The thought of not meeting Minhyun again never occurred in Seongwoo’s mind._

_“I will..,” even Jihoon sounded suprised with the statement. The reply sent a shiver down Seongwoo’s spine. Suddenly he felt nauseous, his hands were started to get clammy, and he was fighting this urge to reveal himself to them. ‘But to say what?’ His mind screamed unhelpfully._

_“I.. I think I’ll go back to Busan for this summer break. Sorry I didn’t told you sooner. I’ve been thinking... the distance.. will help, right?” The words seemed struggled — so much like Seongwoo’s mind._

_Jihoon let out a sigh big enough for Seongwoo to hear from outside the room, “You really fell for him?” Seongwoo’s heart skipped a beat; excitement? Should he feel excited? Usually he would be the first to run when knowing that his partner developed something more than a casual for him, but he found the usual force was barely existed. Sure he felt this foreign feeling that sat nimbly on his stomach, but couldn’t quite decipher whether it was from fear or longing. Yet._

_He wasn’t sure whether Minhyun had his say or Jihoon simply foregone his answer but the next thing Seongwoo heard was string of curse fluidly muttered by the younger, “I knew this is going to happen. I’m going to.. I’d really.. He’ll only hurt you! I told you!”_

_“He is not hurting me, Jihoon. He gave me a choice. I brought this upon myself, okay? If there’s someone to blame it will be me. Stop blaming him!” It was very similar to his rehearsed response to those who asked him to stay; don’t blame him for catching feeling for he had given them a choice in the first place — to stay with him with no strings attached or not at all. He should felt relieved that someone finally understood his way of thinking, but he didn’t._

_“I’ll stop blaming him if you end thing with him. You’re not going to contact him while you’re in Busan, right?” Minhyun didn’t response or he probably did but Seongwoo’s heart had beaten so loud he couldn’t hear a thing._

_Seongwoo’s brain told him to do something, anything but he felt his legs glued to his place. He couldn’t think of any witty responses or good comeback or simply anything at all to steer the older from his decision. Vaguely he heard Jihoon’s voice again, “.. this open relationship thing is bullshit, hyung. You deserve so much better,”_

_The idea formed too quickly in his head and before he could stop himself to think about it thoroughly he already felt his hand yanked the door open and his mouth blabbered things he might regret, “I’ll do it. The celibacy thing. Let’s do it!”_

_Yet he never regrets it._

 

The realization dawns upon him slowly. Never once he regrets his decision to leave his other relationships. It wasn’t an easy thing for sure. They had lots of fight and there were time he wanted to give it up. Even through those times, never did the thought of his past relationships pass by. Deep down, he knows none of it worth as much as what they have and for that Seongwoo will keep fighting.

He goes out to find Minhyun curled helplessly on their bed. The sight he wished to see when coming back earlier. If he can punch himself for wishing for a sight like this, he will gladly do so. Due to his irregular life habit, Minhyun has developed this Irritable Bowel Syndrome that can be triggered when he was in stress (and one of the reasons he ends up in ER quite often). His visit to hospital yesterday was most like caused by it anyway.

Immediately he searches for Minhyun’s usual medication and assists the man to swallow it carefully. After Minhyun has lied back down and properly tucked in, Seongwoo let himself wonder back to his work. He opts to work on their bed as it will be easier for him to watch the other this way.

Couple hours have gone before Seongwoo feels Minhyun stirs beside him. Immediately he reaches out to check on the latter, “Feeling better?” asks him while gently brushing the bangs that have fallen on his eyes. Minhyun mutters something incoherent which he interprets by experience as an okay sign from the taller. 

Seongwoo’s attention has gone half back on working mode when Minhyun whispers quietly, “I’m sorry for earlier,” voice still hoarse from his recent sleep. The taller lies on his side facing Seongwoo fully. His stubby fingers grasp the edge of his pillow cutely as if afraid of Seongwoo’s answer. It’s funny how Minhyun can still be nervous when he knows fully how much a sucker Seongwoo is for him.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said those things,” setting his laptop and papers aside Seongwoo lies on his side too, getting on the same eye level as his boyfriend.

Minhyun reaches his hand to play with Seongwoo hair absentmindedly, “You were mean,” agrees him.

“I never regret anything with you. You’re worth it,” confesses him; the smile that starts to bloom on Minhyun’s face is definitely his favorite.

“I’ll try to keep a better watch on my health,” promises Minhyun back; Seongwoo can’t help to mirror back the smile.

“And tell me when you’re in pain. I don’t want to be the last person to know about your condition,” adds Seongwoo.

“I told Jihoon not to tell you,” complains Minhyun. His face contorts to a cute pout that Seongwoo has to actually remind himself to keep his stern expression to deliver his point clearly, “Don’t do that too! No secret!”

Minhyun doesn’t answer him right away. His hands are still caressing his hair, eyes never leaving Seongwoo’s. They stay in that position for some time before he finally says softly, “You barely have time to rest. I don’t want to disturb you,”

Talk about ironic. They are actually having a fight because they care too much for each other. Seongwoo lets out a helpless sigh, “You are never a disturbance to me. You know that,”

Minhyun is about to retort back but Seongwoo beats him, “Now, go back to sleep. Tomorrow is another long day for both of us,” utters him with an absolute finality.

Seongwoo places a last peck on the top of Minhyun’s head before he entangles themselves to sleep.

—

**Finale**

 

It is a day where you can see the sky clearly; blue, just like the ocean below but not quite. Seongwoo lets his eyes wanders on the wide expanse of blue in front of him and thinks about the man sitting beside him. They were like that he muses. The same blue, two person with one too many scars, but not quite the same. While Seongwoo was much like a disturbed ocean; raging wide on, Minhyun was his sky who gradually soothes him through his calming breeze.

As they swings themselves back and forth, Seongwoo can’t help but to ponder on how far they have come. Through times, their blues have blended so well to complement each other; creating a mesmerizing picture just like the view before them. He knows there will always be bad days ahead of them, when the day isn’t as clear, but together he knows they’ll work it out eventually — and create an even more entrancing view in the end.

But for now, just as the wind softly tousles their hair, Seongwoo will enjoy the presented view; hands fitting each other perfectly, two golden bands on each of their ring fingers tying their promises of a lifetime.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Soo.. I decided to write this fic before Onghwang decided to go all domestic on us yesterday, but it's nice to know I'll be posting a fic to support this change :D:D
> 
> The finale supposed to have Onghwang walking hand in hand by the sea, but of course I can't slide that beautiful swing scene on W1 Go. *sobs* Not much adjustment needed anyway. 
> 
> The excerpt (and title) on the fic is taken from Lang Leav's Change of Heart.
> 
> Stuck On by Kim Sung Kyu is the song Minhyun's recommend recently and it is really a great song. 
> 
> The scene where Minhyun fell asleep while waiting for Ong's trip to a convenience store is mostly based by a scene from Another Oh Hae Young (I kinda forget honestly but I 70% sure it's from there.. cmiiw pls)
> 
> I'm sorry if there're some grammatical errors. My excuse would be english is not my first language, though it's a rather pathetic excuse cause I've studied in an english speaking country before. But yeah.. sorry that's it.
> 
> If I don't stop here, I'll start to blabber too much on each scene of this fic. So, I'll stop here :)  
> Here's to hoping you to enjoy the fic. Cheers~


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